Are you hot? Are you young? Is your stocking well-hung? Then you’ll enjoy Sabrina Carpenter’s A Nonsense Christmas, her new Netflix special, out just in time for the holidays. The pop star caps her year of explosive stardom — from “Espresso” all the way to her Grammy nominations in the Big Four categories — with this charming hour of holiday cheer. Obviously, that hour is jam-packed with her signature innuendos (“You’re in luck, I’ve trimmed my tree just for you!”) and her top-tier humor: “Seriously, they told me I could have an unlimited budget as long as I go viral, so I’m gonna break the set just to do it.”
Much like her triumphant Short n’ Sweet tour and its vintage television set, Carpenter breaks the fourth wall on A Nonsense Christmas, taking the audience backstage and into her dressing room. “You could have been anywhere tonight, spending time with family, helping the less fortunate,” she tells us. “But instead, you’re here, half-watching a big screen, while scrolling social media on a smaller screen. And for that, I’m forever grateful.”
She also gets incredibly meta, explaining she can only say “fuck” three times while poking fun at herself for creating a special in the first place. “There are comedy specials, and there are music specials, and there are holiday specials,” she notes. “But who does musical comedy holiday specials? A lot of people. But do those specials have celebrity guests? Yes, they do! Everyone with a musical comedy holiday special does them with celebrity guests, and this is one of those!”
Here are the best moments from A Nonsense Christmas, for those in need of that Charles Dickens.
That Retro Kitchenette
Carpenter introduces us to her home, entering through a front door and into a living room with a bedazzled Christmas tree and fireplace. “Isn’t this cute?” she asks. “It’s exactly what my house looked like growing up: A tree, three walls, and a live studio audience!” She whips up an espresso martini (of course) in her 1950s-style kitchenette, which contains a retro pink fridge and several desserts on the countertop. (Is there a Martha Stewart jadeite cake stand? Yep! How about a fruitcake? You bet!) She admits none of the appliances actually work, but still manages to make a magical chocolate cake — is she a modern-day Betty Crocker or what?
Tyla Spreads Amapiano Joy
The doorbell rings, and in walks Tyla, dressed in a literal Christmas bow that only she could pull off. The South African pop star joins Carpenter on the floral couch, as they trade verses to a fiery rendition of “This Christmas.” They stand up for a dance break, wishing a Merry Christmas to your brothers, sisters, misters, cousins, and dogs. It’s the perfect kickoff to the Christmas special — when it comes to these two, caroling through the night is for amateurs.
Short n’ Sweet Origins
Sitting in front of a vanity mirror, surrounded by bottles of hair products and a wardrobe rack, Carpenter recalls an adorable childhood memory. “Starting from when I was two years old, my dad would get his VHS and film our Christmas morning every single year,” she says. “And for some reason, I never wanted to open my presents. I just wanted chocolate cake.” She shows a video from December 2002, where a three-year-old Sabrina sits with an unopened gift on her lap, asking to have cake. Speaking of the clip, Carpenter says, “I just had an ulterior motive, and it was chocolate. And it kinda still is.”
Jolly Saint Sean
Goonies and Lord of the Rings star Sean Astin — who’s currently playing Santa Claus in the Broadway musical adaptation of 2003’s Elf — reprises that jolly role in the special. He stars in a skit with Carpenter, in which the pop star introduces him to her friends as “my boyfriend Nick.” The pals, played by Hacks’ Megan Stalter and actor Owen Thiele, quickly begin to suspect that this guy is in fact Santa Claus, especially when Astin asks for a warm glass of milk and an oversized chocolate chip cookie dusted lightly with candy cane shards. The whole scene is twisted and charming, especially when Astin later sings to himself, “I’m working late/Because I’m Santa!”
Man, Mrs. Claus Feels Like a Woman
Shania Twain plays Mrs. Claus, who enters Carpenter’s living room looking for her husband — a.k.a. Carpenter’s boyfriend. “We’ve been married 400 years!” she tells him. “But after the first hundred,” Astin replies, “We decided to be open.” Twain and Carpenter take the stage for a glorious acoustic rendition of “Santa Baby,” singing lines about ‘54 baby blue convertibles and tree decorations from Tiffany’s. The special could end here, and everyone would be happy.
Kyle Mooney Being Kyle Mooney
The SNL alum appears in a skit as Carpenter’s brother-in-law, who’s so basic that she has no idea what to get him for Christmas. Her entire family sits in the living room (including her sister, played by actress Jillian Bell), while Carpenter delivers an Auto-Tune rap about the joy of gifting. Wearing a powder blue holiday sweater, she frets that she has nothing to gift Mooney. “Who is this man/What does he do/I’ve known him 10 years and I don’t have a clue.” Mooney puts on his best Awkward Guy demeanor, wearing a sweater vest and hovering in the corner. “I like food and I like pants/And I like blue/And I like music/And I like sports,” he mutters. More of this, please.
The Ghosted Girls
After Carpenter performs a cozy duet of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” with Kali Uchis, the scene shifts to a skit with actor Nico Hiraga, who plays a Scrooge-type tech bro. He’s on the phone with his employee, demanding he work on Christmas Day (“Be here at nine with a ring light and Nobu breakfast sushi, OK?” he says), before Carpenter appears out of thin air. “I’m the Spirit of Ghosted Past,” she says. “We went on five dates, and I never heard from you again.” He claims he lost his phone, but Carpenter says she knows he peeped her Instagram stories. “That’s really weird,” he says. “I gotta talk to Zuck about that.”
When Quinta Brunson emerges as the Spirit of Ghosted Present, and a Coachella-costumed Cara Delevingne enters as the Spirit of Ghosted Future, the ladies band together to teach Hiraga a lesson. “I’ve seen the errors of my ways,” he says. “I’m gonna text back, I’m gonna be transparent.” He passes them each a turkey leg. “It’s actually no big deal,” Delevingne says. “I like girls anyway.”
All those ‘Nonsense’ Outro Pitches
Carpenter has retired her “Nonsense” outros — her beloved live bit where she’d tack on a customized, innuendo-packed ending to her Emails I Can’t Send cut — but the guests on Nonsense Christmas can’t let it go. Thiele and Mooney both pitch incredibly bad outros that fall flat, but it’s Delevingne who delivers. “Gotta give a shoutout to my boy Nick/Wouldn’t let him hit it, just the cane tip/Guess I stayed consistent with my strange tricks,” she says casually. Carpenter is pleasantly surprised: “It’s not the worst one I’ve heard!”
Chappell and Sabrina Go Full Wham!
Here’s the Nonsense Christmas collab everyone will be the most jolly about. Chappell Roan and Carpenter come down the stairs in evening gowns and fur coats, singing karaoke to Wham!’s “Last Christmas.” The living room lights are off and there are red cups, bottles, and confetti littering the floor, making this the Christmas afterparty of the century. There’s little dialogue here, except for later, when Roan looks at her elegant outfit and says, “I look so… straight.” That’s all, ladies and gentlemen.
Cindy Lou Who
Carpenter performs several tracks from her holiday EP Fruitcake, but the highlight is near the end, when she delivers an intimate tribute to Dr. Seuss’ “Cindy Lou Who,” co-written with Amy Allen and John Ryan. She rifles through her wardrobe rack, bypassing outfits titled “For the Girls” and “For the Guys,” and picks up the one that reads “For the Gays.” She dons a silky lavender gown and takes to the piano, where the camera turns black and white for her vulnerable moment. But don’t worry, the special doesn’t end on this sad note — she turns it up for the “Nonsense Christmas” finale. “You didn’t think I was gonna leave you crying on Christmas,” she says. “Did you?”