How To Advocate For Yourself at the Doctors

If you’ve ever walked into a doctor’s office feeling anxious or confused about your symptoms and then walked out of that doctor’s office feeling even more anxious or confused — with the same symptoms and without relief — you’re not alone. From medical emergencies to chronic pain, women’s health concerns are invalidated or dismissed more often than men’s. Instead, they’re frequently met with skepticism surrounding the severity of their symptoms and the legitimacy of their conditions, which research says are too often chalked up to “female hysteria” and hormones.

Heather Butler, 36, knows this feeling all too well. She lives with Hoshimoto’s Thyroiditis, an autoimmune disease that causes her immune system to attack her thyroid. Before treatment, she suffered symptoms like chronic fatigue, brain fog, nerve and joint pain, hair loss, and, most noticeably, weight gain.

“No matter how little or how healthy I ate, and how much I worked out, I’d steadily gain weight,” she tells PS, while doctor after doctor blamed her age, birth control, and potential premenopause (in other words, her hormones). She was told to “just lose weight” or “eat less and move more,” exacerbating her condition by inducing anxiety and encouraging disordered eating. But over the years, she continued to gain significant weight while meticulously tracking her meals, workouts, and water intake, measuring her portions, and calculating her calories. “I had an extremely unhealthy relationship with food and my body, but over and over, I was told everything looked normal and was fine; I never got any real answers or solutions,” she says.

It wasn’t until eight years later that Butler stumbled upon a TikTok video of a woman who “sounded like she was inside [her] head” that she got answers. The woman described all of the same symptoms. She recommended requests for specific tests, including a TPO Antibodies test, which ultimately showed that Butler had more than 10 times the amount of antibodies in her blood to be diagnosable for Hoshimoto’s.

“My T4, T3, and TSH being normal told us that my thyroid was fighting like hell to function properly and was holding on by a thread,” she says, adding that she feels lucky to have come across the video that changed her life. Not all women share Butler’s luck, but many share her experience.

“There is a significant body of evidence that highlights the issue of gender bias in medical treatment,” says Paul Daidone, MD, FASAM, the medical director at True Self Recovery. This research published in Sex Inequalities in Medical Research shows that women are more likely than men to be told that their symptoms are “in their head” before receiving a diagnosis for a condition — a diagnosis which may very well be retracted for a diagnosis of another condition down the line, per other studies.

Experts Featured in This Article:

James Hook, MD, is a chiropractor and the founder of Neurogan Health.

Paul Daidone, MD, FASAM, is double board-certified in both internal medicine and addictionology, a hospitalist, and the medical director at True Self Recovery.

Brynna Connor, MD, is a board-certified family medicine physician, as well as the healthcare ambassador for Northwest Pharmacy.

The Gender Gap in Medical Care

Not only do women wait longer for a diagnosis than men for everything from autoimmune diseases to cancer; but studies show that they also wait longer for adequate pain management in emergencies, whether it be abdominal pain or chest pain. Studies also show that they’re 10 percent less likely to have their pain levels assessed. Even with chest pain attributed to a heart attack or stroke, they’re more likely to be discharged during medical emergencies. And, when women are indeed treated, research suggests that they’re treated less aggressively than men.

It’s no wonder why women studied around the world report feeling unsafe at the doctor’s office. Gender biases too often deprive them of the treatment or support they need, leading to higher rates of morbidity and disability in women than men. And diagnostic errors in intensive care units can be fatal. In fact, 75 million years of life are lost due to poor health or early death every year, according to the World Economic Forum. If women were taken more seriously, 3.9 billion of them would get an extra 500 days to live, on average.

Researchers say that medical gaslighting is the result of deeply entrenched ideologies that underpin healthcare systems — coupled with the knowledge gap, given that most medical research is still done with male subjects. While it could take a lifetime of unlearning the gender and racial biases ingrained in medical discourse, experts are pleading for gender equity in healthcare.

How to Advocate For Yourself at the Doctor’s Office

In the interim, we caught up with healthcare providers to share tips for advocating for yourself at the doctor’s office — essentially, how to help them help you. While the onus shouldn’t be on women, here’s what you can do to be part of the change we all wish to see.

1. Find a Doctor You Feel Comfortable With

“Advocating for oneself begins with the confidence to do so,” says James Hook, MD, of Neurogan Health. “Patients must find physicians they feel the utmost comfort with, no matter the exam or subject matter being discussed.”

To know whether or not you truly feel comfortable going “full disclosure” with your doctor — where nothing feels like “TMI” — listen to your body. “Try recalling your emotions and analyzing them after a particular appointment,” Daidone suggests. “Did you feel informed, or did you see enough certainty in the doctor’s statement, or did you only feel uncertain? If you are not quite satisfied with the answer…keep looking for potential options in regard to your medicals.”

Butler says she looks for doctors willing to listen with more specialized knowledge and experience. “I’ve learned through my experience that doctors are just people doing a job like anyone else,” she says. “They don’t have the entire ICD [International Classification of Diseases] memorized and don’t know every single condition by heart. However, a willingness to expand their knowledge, go to bat for their patients, and do more research is something I need in my care team.”

2. Do Your Own Research

Doing your own preliminary research, such as in Butler’s case, can be a huge help. “So much more information is available now,” Butler says. “Use it to arm yourself with knowledge and the confidence to stand up for yourself. I had to bring in a list of tests and demand they be performed.”

Just make sure that you’re using reputable sources. “With information at our fingertips these days, it is very easy to go home and ‘Google’ everything or do an online search for words and care regarding what has been discussed. However, I try to ask my patients to… at least make sure that, if they are [Googling] words or the [care] plan, they [use] a reputable source, as there is so much information out there that is not always credible or reliable,” says Brynna Connor, a board-certified family medicine physician.

3. Come with Questions

Taking notes before, during, and after appointments can help you keep your record and remember the care plan, Dr. Connor says. So always come to the doctor’s office prepared. “This is considered due diligence on any patient’s part, and doctors appreciate direct inquiries that can help them better do their job,” Dr. Hook adds.

For example, you can come with a list of questions to ask about the symptoms or concerns you have. Just make sure to frame them with clarity and factuality for effective communication, Dr. Daidone adds. “Instead of just stating, ‘I don’t feel well,’ explain that the ‘sharp pain in my chest starts from after eating and continues for 30 minutes,'” he explains. “Describing your symptoms can help the doctor better understand the issue you are concerned about.”

If you are feeling shy or too embarrassed to ask questions or request specific tests, Dr. Daidone recommends making a note of any queries that you can share with your doctor so you don’t forget them while you’re in the room. If you feel as though your questions or concerns are being disregarded, he suggests restating them in a different (but calm) tone. For example: “I know that it does not look like an emergency. However, this symptom annoys me a lot in daily life. Is there any possibility to address it?'” he suggests.

4. Get Clarity

Don’t just come prepared with questions; ask questions throughout the appointment, too. “If you did not fully understand the information provided to you, do not hesitate to ask questions,” Dr. Daidone adds. “You may even ask for a rationale behind specific diagnoses, suggested treatments, or tests and if there are other means to achieving the same result.”

He suggests asking questions like, “What do you think warrants more tests or treatment?” or “If the symptoms recur, what other signs should I be on the lookout for, and when should I contact urgently?” These questions can help you get clear on your current condition and stay abreast of any next steps.

5. Keep Documentation of Your Symptoms and Health History

“It’s important to indicate when your symptoms first appeared, how frequent they have been, what encompasses them, and their degree of severity,” says Dr. Daidone, adding that a log can help you be clear about your issue and ensuant needs and help your doctor make the right diagnosis.

Also, keep documentation of your medical history — and have it on hand. “Consider documenting your medical issues and ensuring that you have copies of the relevant documents during your meeting,” Dr. Daidone suggests. This may include any past and/or present disease diagnoses, results of previous medical examinations, past and/or present treatments (including dosages). “It will make the exchange of details compact and lessen the chances of any detail being forgotten.”

6. Bring Someone with You

“It’s important for women to take notes (and to bring their notes with them!) so that they can recall what they’d been thinking about before making their medical appointment,” says Dr. Connor. Moreover, bringing those notes and a trusted sidekick who can review those notes (and take more) can be extra helpful.

“I’m a strong supporter of having a family member and/or friend accompany the patient so that she has an advocate who can also help with recall, as well as note-taking during the appointment,” Dr. Connor explains.

7. Get Second Opinions

If something feels off, trust your gut. “Your instincts can serve as a powerful guide, and whenever something feels wrong, hearing that voice can be life-saving,” Dr. Daidone says. “After all, you are the one who knows your body more than any other person, so if you feel that something is out of place, you have to ensure that further tests are done or ask for another medical opinion.”

“Suppose, for instance, the symptoms you are experiencing are chest pain, but you are just given medication for anxiety without giving it a full checkup,” he says. “In that case, the area in your chest will start sending signals that your brain could find difficult to ignore. Do not overlook the warning signs.”

He recommends saying, “I do not feel that my concerns are receiving satisfactory consideration; is there another specialist or an option that we may turn to?'” But if an explanation or solution doesn’t seem adequate, remember that you have agency to seek out new ones. If need be, get a second opinion from a different healthcare provider.

7. Know Your Insurance Coverage

Know your insurance coverage (every detail!), Butler suggests. She recommends calling your insurance company and having them explain your benefits to you so you can better understand them. “I had to read my insurance summary of benefits and know exactly what was covered and how,” Butler says. “I’ve had to call my insurance to confirm coverage, then call my doctor’s billing department to ensure they’re coding it properly, then call my doctor and confirm he is submitting it to billing correctly.”

The Bottom Line

Taking the aforementioned actions can help you build your own confidence, establish stronger rapport with your doctors, and play a more active role in your healthcare. Despite following these steps, however, if you feel like your issues are incessantly sidelined, it could be time to look for a new provider.

“Patient’s concerns, especially in emergencies, should never be ignored or taken lightly,” Dr. Daidone says.

AnnaMarie Houlis has 15 years of writing and editing experience in women’s wellness and travel, although she has covered the gamut — from business and technology to fashion and finance. Since kicking off her career at lifestyle magazines in New York City, she has spent the last decade traveling as a nomadic freelancer with thousands of bylines.